In the past week, my cousins and I have been reminiscing about Aunt Julie, collecting pictures and sharing stories. My cousin Lisa shared a story about the Aunt Julie stare and it resonated with all of us. Anyone who knew her knows that she had this stare that was quite uniquely hers. The stare was her way of piercing your being with her eyes and expressions that would convey a mixture of disdain and disgust…. which would inevitably end when she cracked up with a laugh that could fill the room on its own. J Her laugh was truly one of a kind.

So I was probably always the most mischievous of all my cousins… or at least that’s the way I describe myself. My cousins (and aunts… and brother… and father) may have some other choice adjectives that they’d use... but, whatever the case may be, I was the recipient of that STARE many times but was always rewarded with her laugh afterwards.

Anyone who knows about my relationship with AJ knows that my choice nickname for her was Aunt Roach. I know, gross. But most may not know how that nickname came about. One day we were talking about bugs – I must’ve been 10 or so at the time – and I told her how much I was afraid of them. And she said, you just have to name them so that you don’t fear them. So, then (remember the mischievous past me I was just telling you about?) I said, “Well, aunt Jul, why don’t I just name you as a roach so I don’t feel that scared”. So, Aunt Roach was born that day and she never looked back. J In redefining the word roach (a vile creature that seemingly has no purpose whatsoever on Earth) and making it mean a loving creature that had all the purpose in the world in my life and in the lives of all of her family and friends, I was taught a valuable lesson that day which I still carry with me: a way of facing and dispelling my fears.

My aunt Roach was amazing – she’s been described as a gem by her siblings, some of her cousins have even referenced her unconditional love and how truly unique she was. Some of my cousins have even given her the title of ‘second mother’ which I’m sure would be equally as touching to our aunt since she never had children of her own. We all felt like Aunt Julie’s children as she delighted in cooking for us, sharing old stories and pictures, teaching us the family mythology that each one of us cherishes and carries within; ready to share with the next generation in a beautiful, unbroken chain.

Her presence was always felt so robustly that her absence will be felt just as deeply. She was magnanimous, caring and kind to all. Who wouldn’t miss that? But, we have all of our experiences with her, all her recipes, all her stories, all of her pictures to hold forever with us until we one day see her again.

You know when someone passes, as convention dictates, everyone says, “sorry for your loss” – “my condolences” but, even though her passing is an indescribable loss, I choose not to focus on the loss at all, I choose to believe that she’s out of pain and also choose to keep all of her memories alive, without which I wouldn’t be the person I am today nor would practically anyone in this church. 

Here’s to Aunt Roach: teacher, myth-maker, sister, cousin, aunt, second mother… most definitely one of a kind.